Monsieur L reads the Stars. The truth is up there!

 

Aries

Get your nuts to safety before winter gets here. But don’t lose your head over it, it won’t be as bad this year. Speaking of bad things…Avoid hot and cold chestnuts until mid-February, after that it won’t matter anymore anyways.

Lucky district: Wik

Taurus

P lanning for a slow week? Think again! As Uranus is in the sign of the jealous bellwether, you may want to prepare for working overtime, transfers and a cold office atmosphere. Beginning in January, the intersecting double star of The Flu influences your constellation and from then on you can spend some quality time in bed.

Lucky district: Elmschenhagen

Gemini

Bad weather. Coughing. Wet feet. Bread mould. Dog poo under your shoes. Overcrowded busses. Head cold. Farting in the cinema. Pick two of these things to experience actively, all the others will come naturally and for free during the next few months as well.

Lucky district: Center

Cancer

Everything is going to be fine, really! Absolutely awesome. Well, maybe not that awesome. And not everyone would call it great. It’s a matter of perspective. At least it could be worse, in theory. No matter what, just don’t give up, next year will be a different year. And for this year, just be done with it, put it away and forget about it. Cheers!

Lucky district: Gaarden

Leo

Something thought to be lost will be found. Maybe not necessarily by you or someone you trust, but things get found by people all the time. At least the transition to the New Year won’t be as disgraceful as it used to be a nd 2017 (that’s right, it’s 2017 soon, you are *that* old) will be quite acceptable.

Lucky district: Schreventeich

Virgo

Just take it slow once in a while, buy new shoes and crack some nuts, winter is going to be unexpectedly relaxing. And by relaxing I mean that anything you want to do will take forever to finish, as no one else is in the mood to get anything done. Coming April, everything will get better, just as long as you believe in it.

Lucky district: Südfriedhof

Libra

You will experience immense déjà-vu!

Lucky district: Wik

Scorpio

Career-wise, everything will be perfect. By this I mean it will be perfect if it had been perfect before. If not, then it will stay just as it was, as things will stay as they are. Your sign is currently in the constellation of the Angler’s Folding Chair, which means that nothing will change at all. Financially things are looking good and bad at the same time, with it getting bad automagically.

Lucky district: Ravensberg

Sagittarius

A hard piece of mental work lies ahea d of you once you realize in the coming year that one of the wheels on your car/bike/motorcycle is rounder than the others. After you’ve annoyed your surroundings with elemental questions like “What exactly is round?”, you will fall into a deep existential crisis that can only be cured with an icy bath.

Lucky district: Pries

Capricorn

Next year is going to be so incredibly boring, you will be tempted to pep it up. This isn’t going to end well, so better just forget about it and practice for 2018. That year will be more exciting again, at least concerning your selection of packet soups in your kitchen cupboard.

Lucky district: Hammer

Aquarius

Monsieur L is Aquarius himself, so he is elated to tell you that all Aquarius people will have an extraordinarily great year ahead of them. In love, everything will be amazing, and a great career turn will happen. Isn’t that fantastic? Many thanks, dear stars above!

Lucky district: Wik

Pisces

Your completely pointless jokes will make you the center of any party you were invited to. Better party like it’s going to be the last, as later in the year I can’t see any more party invitations for you. Are those things connected perhaps? I don’t know, it’s overcast right now, can’t read a thing.

Lucky district: Suchsdorf

Note: No guarantees. All entries are made up. No stars were hurt during production.